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Tabu Toypro

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Reply with quote  #1 
original post at Em and Lo.com (previously Daily Bedpost)

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Every guy has a regular masturbation frequency (RMF) that is more or less unchangeable (though over the long-term, factors which usually have nothing to do with sex — like age or stress — can influence it). Take however many orgasms a guy’s already having with his partner and multiply it by his RMF — that’s how much a guy will masturbate. For example, a friend tells you his RMF is 1.3, so if he’s had a total of 3 orgasms with his partner in the past week, you multiply that by 1.3 to get the number of times he’ll want to masturbate that week (about 4). Now, some guys are high (RMF=2 or more) and others are low (RMF=1 or less!). But even if he has a really low RMF, like .25, that still means he’ll want to masturbate once after he’s had sex five times with his partner that week. So don’t focus on whether or not he’s masturbating: it’s a given. Instead, engage him on what he’s doing while he’s masturbating — what he’s looking at, or imagining, or fantasizing about. That’s where you’ll learn about your guy.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Perhaps the most obvious answer would be “Why shouldn’t they?” (As long as it’s not interfering with the sex — “Sorry, honey, I’ve already come three times today.”)  No, wait, the most obvious answer is, “Because they’re men.”  I’m sure, when it’s all over with, that people don’t look back on their lives, regardless of gender, and wish they’d had fewer orgasms.  Also, if it’s meant to be a monogamous relationship, better he should have the extra fun with himself than with some third (or fourth, etc.) party(-ies).

Straight Single Guy (Max): While it’s hard to believe, I think that most men view masturbation (which we’re addicted to, by the way) as completely separate from our sex lives. When you’re living the solo sex life, you’ve got your fantasies as well as hormones to answer to. The only solution is masturbation. Many turn to pornography. It’s sad. I understand then, that it must be confusing to women when we continue to masturbate, even while having great and consistent sex, after you’ve saved us from our lonely and always wanting existence.

Unfortunately, no matter how much we may love our lady friend and the sex that we have with her, it’s incredibly hard to fulfill our voyeuristic and most fantastic desires. We don’t want to cheat (most of us) and yet we have thoughts of other girls, other places and impossible situations. Thus, we masturbate. It’s the eternal answer to everything that plagues men. Don’t take it as an insult to your skills in bed, because trust me: You don’t want to do the things that we’re thinking about when masturbating.


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Tabu Toypro

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Ben's intellect is dizzying!
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Roadie

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First of all, I was never good at math, so I dont have a damn clue what Ben said.

Next of all, and maybe its just me, but since my sex life has improved dramatically, I have no desire to masturbate any more. Thats not to say I dont, but when I do, the results end up all over her.

I do, however, play with myself more...give myself an erection. MOST of the time when I do that, she is in the room and is watching. And if I play my cards right, she will do something about it!

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Adriana

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..For the same reasons as women do?
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Rosy Glow

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As a woman, I don't make sex a substitution for masturbation. In fact, when I'm in a good relationship I masturbate more. Sometimes I'll stop right before I have an orgasm to build up my arousal so when we do get together I'm sizzling!
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Hank Alvarez

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Reply with quote  #6 
What is it they say about figures don't lie but liars use figures? When I was married to my ex I just about wore out my right hand. With the woman I'm married to now the sex is so good it's a real let down if I masterbate so I don't usually. About the only time I'm likely to is when she's out of town on an occasional business trip. I think it's what ever meets your needs. Hank
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naughtyeliot

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What I want to know is why men masturbating while in a relationship still raises eyebrows, and why more women don't masturbate while in relationships?
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Roadie

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I think it raises eyebrows because the assumption is that if a man is in a relationship, all his sexual desires and tensions are taken care of and he shouldn't have to masturbate. Boy, is that assumption a crock of shit! With both my previous wives, the longer we were married the worse the sex got! Masturbation was the great release!

And why dont woman masturbate more? With my current wife, she does! And she sends me picture texts while she is. She says she does because our last sex session is still on her mind and she wants more...and she wants me more. God, I love this woman!!!

My previous wives masturbated and used vibrators...as a substitution for me!

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Adriana

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by naughtyeliot

What I want to know is why men masturbating while in a relationship still raises eyebrows, and why more women don't masturbate while in relationships?

I want to know who says women don't masturbate more. I think they're wrong.
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Hank Alvarez

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Reply with quote  #10 
The most honest answer I can give you, and it will probably poss off ninety percent of the ladies, is that it feels good. I might do it in desperation when my honey is out of town on business or visiting her mom across the country for a week, but its a damn poor substitute for what she can do for me. Hank
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naughtyeliot

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriana

[quote author=naughtyeliot link=topic=1003.msg3987#msg3987 date=1236620054]
What I want to know is why men masturbating while in a relationship still raises eyebrows, and why more women don't masturbate while in relationships?

I want to know who says women don't masturbate more. I think they're wrong.


I've heard quite a few women say they don't masturbate while in a relationship. These tend to be the same women who become upset when they find out that their man is masturbating. Apparently they think that sex between them and their partner should be enough. Insecurity, anyone?
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Hank Alvarez

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Speaking from a strictly a male perspective: when my wife and I were married in '84 there was a rather controversial magazine article that claimed men think of sex, on average, every seven minutes. They claimed it was partly because the male genitalia is external, as opposed to the female play area which is internal and with us all ten inches of it, (not mine unfortunately), waves around in the breeze in his drawers. I don't believe that any more now than I did then but you have to admit we are wired differently.

As long as it doesn't affect your performance with your lover or your ability to procreate, if that's what you're trying to do, what's the harm? Who is this hurting. With very few exceptions, most of the women I've known were not sex minded as me or any of my male friends. Ladies, you don't have to buy us dinner and flowers, we're easy, we're guys. To coin a phrase used by Harrison Ford in one of my favorite movies, "All you have to do is show up."

Now if he starts beatin' off at the dinner table in front of your parents at Sunday supper after church then I think you have a problem and room to complain. Have you ever confronted the offender? Have you asked him why he masturbates? You're asking us but our motivation may well be different from his. Frankly the only time it comes to mind for me is when my honey is not available. That's my final take on it. Sounds like ypu've got a healthy guy. Get over it. Hank
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Rosy Glow

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Reply with quote  #13 
I've been masturbating since I realized it felt good and no relationship status will ever affect that! I can't imagine being insecure or ashamed of this.
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LondonCalling

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Reply with quote  #14 
I probably only masturbate 30%-50% as much when I'm in a relationship as I do when I'm single, but I couldn't be without it.
Say, for example, I come home horny and she's not in the mood (bad day/time of the month/whatever), then I'd be literally useless without masturbation, as sex is all I can think about until I get a release. If I'm lucky, although she's not be in the mood for action herself,she'll be pleased to watch me.
Maybe she doesn't want to do that, but will 'send me to my room' to masturbate, which appeals to my submissive side.
Alternatively, if she's REALLY not in the mood, I'll discretly dissapear to the bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes (she clearly knows what I'm doing, but doesn't mention it), and then I'm ready to be a fully function human being again.
Without this release, I'd be a jibbering, pleading wreck, which wouldn't be good for the relationship.

Also, when I was younger with little self-control, I would regulary masturbate 20-30 minutes before sex, in order to prolong the action with my girlfriend, so she wouldn't have to suffer a wham-bam-thank-you-mam experience  :-[
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Plum Pudding

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Reply with quote  #15 
I always say if i had something that was easy access that i could whip out i would masturbate as well. lmao
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