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Tabu Toypro

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Reply with quote  #16 

PRO. is there a way I can post a link to a Wahl 7 in 1? I know you guys don't carry it, yet, but I linked to the Hitachi on Tabu and just want to help Studley's wife so much? Is there a way to do it without breaking the rules?


Not if it's to a competitor, sorry! I'm sure if he does an internet search on Wahl, he'll find it.

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P Gell

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Reply with quote  #17 
Oh, Studley, I also take an antidepressant and several pain medications (I have several fairly serious health conditions which require these, and although the antidepressant I am on doesn't effect my orgasmic ability, one of the pain meds might. I know that Prozac was a disaster for me, as was one of the tricyclics. I told the doctor "I can't come on these medications, and I refuse to take them!" and he changed them immediately. One needs to know when to challenge a doctor, in a nice way, because there are always alternatives. There ARE antidepressants which do NOT effect sexual ability or drive and demanding these is important. Too many doctor only judge a woman's "sexuality" by "libido" (because then her man gets some) and IGNORE orgasmic problems as "all in her head" or say, "There's nothing we can do." Would they say that to a MALE patient? NEVER!

I have to say, that although prescribing for me (and next time I am going to insist on some testosterone to round out the Estrogen) my GYN never said a word about sex toys. I am going to say something to him about this, as he is a pretty open guy, and really needs to be able to suggest this to women in addition to pharmaceuticals. BUT, at least he listened and thought my condition was important enough to act on. I thank him for that.

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P Gell

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Reply with quote  #18 
OK, Pro, It's understood. He should be able to at least find a picture of one by Googling it.

Can you talk to your people about carrying this vibe? The Hitachi is supposed to be great (in fact is one my "To Buy" list, and I've already put it into the "shopping cart" at Tabu) but it's always good to have more. I have no idea how one needs to deal with vendors etc. Maybe you can talk to the people at Tabu and see if they will consider carrying it. It's a good, well made, very effective toy.

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Tabu Toypro

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Reply with quote  #19 
You can get a Wahl at Target for $15! Just saw it online
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studley

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Reply with quote  #20 
Thanks for your concern.  Because of her indifference for sex it has been months again since we "got together".  We do have the Magic Wand (and the attachments) but that really has not been able to do anything either. I am hoping she would bring up the problem with her doctor but I don't think that has happened yet.
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Tabu Toypro

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Reply with quote  #21 
Ah Studley, sorry to hear. The next piece of advice I have is clitoral gels. The one we carry that gets rave reviews is the Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Gel. We don't even bother carrying the "light" or "regular". This one works. Take a look at Adriana's review.
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P Gell

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Reply with quote  #22 
Quote:
Originally Posted by studley

Thanks for your concern.  Because of her indifference for sex it has been months again since we "got together".  We do have the Magic Wand (and the attachments) but that really has not been able to do anything either.


The Magic Wand didn't work? I know that for any sex toy to work, I have to be really completely  aroused, and ready to come, and My Man does a lot of work before we even grab the toys. If I were to put the A/C vibe to work when I wasn't very aroused nothing would happen either. (I mean probably eventually, but we have used our toys enough that they have become Sexualized in our bodies and heads, so I get horny when I hear the motor of the damn thing going, even if I am just giving My Man a back massage with it! It may take a number of attempts to actually LEARN to sexualize the toy, and that will only work if arousal is high when the toy is put to work. )

It is well known that for women, the more sex we have the more we WANT sex. Women who go long periods without sex,often lose their libido completely. unlike men, who remain horny and become more horny with less sex. But, men also become more arousable when they get more sex, too.

If this has happened, I think you and the Mrs, need to sit down and talk. A lot of women lose their libido and their "ability" or come easily in perimenopause (I am assuming she IS in perimenopause?) but she doesn't have to STAY that way!

But, it is better for the two of you to stay engaged, so she can gain the emotional strength to actually DO something about the issue. (I know my FIL, when faced with my MIL's mood swings, fading libido, basic attitude that "we don't have to have sex anymore, because we don't want any more children" when she began perimenopause, gave her a gentle but firm ultimatum. "Do something about this, see a doctor, Either this problem is addressed or I go." Maybe not what you want to do, in detail, but she needs to know YOU have needs, too. Also, things like diabetes and other issues can cause sexual difficulties, and they CAN be addressed,  but the doctor won't KNOW if she doesn't tell him. She IS receiving medical care, obvious by the number of meds she is taking, it is her JOB to report a lack of libido to any and all practitioners who prescribe for her.  

When I had my problem, my Neurologist, my GYN and my Internist were all told, by me,  and they decided together that the GYN was the best man for the job. (Despite the fact that I did my homework and MOST of the recovery of my ability to orgasm was due to MY efforts, not the doctor's. Although the estrogen did help a little.....my attitude and the toys helped a lot more.) My Internist and my Neuro still ask, as they need to make sure I am healthy in ALL ways. (I didn't expect the Internist to DO anything, just that the issue was to be put in my record and he was the Gatekeeper of my Medical Records.)

It sounds like her hormones need to be checked they will look at Follicle Stimulating Hormone (it goes high in perimenopause) and also they can check her Testosterone levels etc. If the FSH is too high then estrogen can be supplemented and if she is Low T then that can be supplemented, also.

IMO, it is a woman's responsibility to keep her body and her mind healthy, attractive and in good working order.  Especially as she matures. Sex is necessary for good health and sometimes some ladies need a little push in that area. I KNOW part of my parent's divorce was, in part,  due to my mother's refusal to deal with a low libido. I have friends who have lost otherwise good marriages because of this treatable problem.

It IS hard to go to the doctor and say, "I'm having sexual problems." and going into detail as to WHAT those problem are.  But, that is what GYNs are there for.

But, studley, this is as important an issue as if her meds and health conditions were causing chest pain or inability to eat or sleep! It is her responsibility to make sure her doctors address it. The problems ARE treatable, but she has to take the first step. (Sadly, most doctors do NOT ask about sexual function in women, even though it is not uncommon. Too many women get "insulted" and refuse to talk.

Also, these problem are treatable. Any doctor who says "There's nothing we can do." needs to be FIRED immediately and replaced. LET HER KNOW THIS BEFORE SHE GOES TO THE APPOINTMENT, because I know too many women who have become complacent about sex, and simply tell their husbands "The doctor said there's nothing they can do." Simply because they have (for reasons I can't understand) become "comfortable" with as sexless existence. (SHUDDER)  Let her KNOW the doctor will be fired if he or she refuses to deal with the issue!

The sad thing is, because sex only gets BETTER as one gets older and too many people miss out by not knowing that. Our sex life is better than ever (despite our youngest child's late night trips to the bathroom, which I have been directing her to the downstairs bathroom if we are having "Mommy and Daddy Time" My Man says he has never been hornier in his life, and I know this is because we have sex very frequently. But, if I wasn't having orgasms, or I didn't know they were possible, I'd be unhappy at the prospects for the future, too.

The thing is, SHE needs to talk to you, YOU need to start the dialogue, and she needs to take the responsibility to talk to her doctors and not take "No." for an answer, and keep trying until someone agrees to help her. Also, she has the responsibility to take a more active role in your sex life. Whether that be watching some movies with you, doing more masturbation on her own, reading some erotica to get her motor going,  lying with you while you masturbate, or sometimes, just pushing herself to ENGAGE in love. Even a  quickie will help get her motor running.  NOTHING is more of a turn on, for both in the couple, than the woman taking the lead by initiating sex.

Good luck. You will be in my thoughts. There IS a workable solution to this, even if getting to that solution may be "uncomfortable" for her for a few minutes in the doctor's office, and a few more minutes the first few times in the bedroom. There are people in their 90s with active sex lives, THIS can be treated!

Don't give up yet.


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studley

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Reply with quote  #23 
Quote:
Originally Posted by P Gell


The Magic Wand didn't work? I know that for any sex toy to work, I have to be really completely  aroused, and ready to come....., and that will only work if arousal is high when the toy is put to work. )

(I am assuming she IS in perimenopause?)

  It is her responsibility to make sure her doctors address it. The problems ARE treatable, but she has to take the first step.


Thanks for your long and thoughful response.

We'd spend a lot of time with foreplay, both manual and oral. Often we'd spend a lot of time just using the wand as a normal massage tool, which is relaxing for both of us.  She is post menopausal, being 68 . I do know that a couple of the meds that are messing her up , there are no substitutes that can be used. Wether there is anything to counteract the undesired sideaffects I don't know. I don't know what she has discussed with the doctor but I will insist that she does discuss it.
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P Gell

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Reply with quote  #24 
Thank you for taking my long post in the spirit it was intended. I was thinking later, "OMG, I hope he doesn't think I was being too forward or giving him instructions or anything." I tend to be kind of aggressive (don't mean to, it's just my personality)  and sometimes go over the top.

My only concern was you and your wife's well being.

I hope things work out well with you and your wife. You'll be in my thoughts.

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