Well i had dated this guy for a 1 1/2 yrs. It was going ok i guess and then He cheated on me a couple weeks ago and I just found out yesterday. He rang up my phone bill up to $300 talking to this girl. When I asked who it was he lied to me. then i called her and asked her. he had met her online, hung out with her a few times and they had sex the first time they met and more after that. so i asked him again why he lied to me. he acted like it was something i pushed him into but i never saw any signs. am i stupid?  I'm so disgusted and hurt i cried and cried. and he showed no regret for what he had done to me. he gave me a ring, we talked about having children, about getting married. I could just vomit. I feel sad and ugly and stupid now. what do I do???????
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I cannot tell you what to do but I can tell you what I did. My boyfriend/fiance of two years cheated for a month before I had caught him in enough lies I found out....even had a nice conversation with the girl. He had told her he had left me (he never did, lived with me while seeing her) and juggled the two of us. Shameful. I decided after days and days of thinking and crying that I wanted to try and fix it because i love him and he wanted to try and fix it because he really does love me. It is soo hard and I deal with the feelings of resentment, anger and my new lower than low self esteem issues. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? What is wrong with me? Will he continue to lie and is it really over? We are working through our issues....slowly. The thoughts that run through my head almost daily are hard to shake. But I see hope for us it just takes time to heal and trust again...that is a long process.

My advice to you is this f you are going to stay make sure you are prepared for all that comes with it and make sure that at some point you will be abke to let the infidelity go so you can move on otherwise it destroys any chance you may have to be happy with this person. Hope this helps!
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Thank you.
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yikes ladies. gots to dump those cheaters/liers/jugglers. they ain't never gonna change their ways.
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Here's something I've told very few people. My husband cheated on me and we are working through it. I think we're closer to the "end" of the effort than the beginning but it has been a long hard battle these last couple years. It's taken a lot of time. That said, it was only once, he told me and while he didn't seem to be remorseful at first, he eventually came to his senses and really proved to me that he was sorry.

Like your boyfriend, he felt he was reacting to me doing things and, like you, I didn't see it coming. So while you may have not been the best girlfriend, he was far worse but seeking someone else rather than communication to you that he needed something done differently. It was a big mistake and, for some people, it's one they're doomed to repeat indefinitely and for others, like my husband, it's a serious mistake that can be overcome.

In your case, I would suggest dumping a guy that has put so much effort into an affair and none at all into your relationship. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.
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Rosy Glow
Tragic -

Don't let that jerk make you feel stupid, ugly and sad. He's the sad idiot here. Did he pay for that phone bill? You aren't still with this guy are you?

It sucks when someone you think you know and love turns on you. The hardest part is realizing that he isn't what you thought he was and being able to walk, no run, away from it. Why and how did he ever suggest you pushed him into this?

RESPECT YOURSELF and let him go wreck someone else's trip!
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