Great article. I agree completely. When we were younger, toys were just not part of our repitoiur, now due to some perimenopausal issues, I rarely orgasm without one of our toys. My body is just being less sensitive for reasons I have no control over. (I can totally relate to the "lying there and worrying he's getting bored, while I worry that I won't come, again."
My Man bought me my first toy a while ago (and I got angry and threw it at him) after a few weeks, I wanted to try it, and we haven't looked back. At first it was just to enhance what we were doing, but as our bodies have changed, I am so glad we opened our lives to these toys. For some reason, I thought that phallic vibe enhanced orgasms were "normal" but the ones where I have to use the "Big Guns" (A Hitachi or Wahl, stronger, plug in the wall vibrators) were "cheating." It takes some of us a long time to get over ingrained fears and problems. At this point, I had to just screw up my courage and say, at some point while my poor man was working away like crazy and I knew it wasn't going to happen, "Hey, what you are doing is fantastic, you know that. I just can't come. It isn't your fault. Let's grab the Wahl so I can come, and we can get this out of 3rd gear and really get going. OK?" (Because for me, anyway, sex starts when I have my first O.) The first few times I had to ask this, I was actually embarrassed (I was never embarrassed to ask for a regular phallic vibe.) But, in the last few weeks of doing this, our sex life has improved, I am MUCH less frustrated, we have worked out a way so he is part of my first orgasm of the session (that's the one I have issues with, once I come ONCE, I can do it 20 times with NO problem. It's the first one that's a bitch, unlike when I was younger, and the first one was SO easy, but I only got ONE per session.) He'll do something to help the process along, something hands on to help, after a nice long oral session, and also go down after the first time I come, so it is getting pretty seamless. He laughed last night,(He'd been working on me for 20 minutes or so, and it was a huge O) because after the first orgasm, I just was so out of it, I pushed the vibe away and then I dropped the Wahl off the bed and it made a huge CLUNK on the floor and he said (on his way down) "I think you're done with that?" (Lucky the machine stands up to abuse.) We need to "Get there" the best way we can. I am working on my sensitivity, I've been able to come by myself with both my bullet and my Fun Factory phallic,and last night I was so so so so close just from his efforts alone, like it used to be, maybe we can eventually put the toys back to the "fun only" department. But, as it is, I am sure glad we have them, that I am not afraid to use them, and that My Man has no problem with them and isn't "threatened" by them. He loves to see me come, and he knows if I can get that first one by any means necessary the rest of the night will be fantastic. Ain't technology great?
I can be tolerant of almost anything....except Intolerance........and Dairy Products