TabuToys Moderator

JACK AND LILA FOUND EACH OTHER TWO YEARS AGO THROUGH A personal. Lila’s ad indicated that she was into high heels, which made Jack think she had potential.

"We met through sex" he says bluntly, cutting lines of coke with his company credit card in his dim, cluttered apartment. He’s 34, robust, a bit frenetic, and works in the movie business. She’s 32 dark-haired and pale, moody, a bit severe. They have been together, on and off, ever since.

Still, Lila wasn’t quite sure what to make of their first trip to the dildo store, where Jack had her try on a variety of strap-ons.

“It was the first time I’d ever come across a guy who wanted more than a finger of penetration,” Lila recalls. “I looked at him and said, “You know what? I don’t feel right doing this.”

The couple’s sexual give-and-take continued along traditional lines for two or three more weeks. Then, Lila says, “one morning I woke up and thought, Why shouldn’t I please him if this is the way he wants to be pleased? And I haven’t looked back once.”

Which made Jack one happy heterosexual. In fact, he isn’t the only straight guy who likes to get fucked in the ass, and he knows it. But it’s not like he and Lila want their real names in this article. While they have told a couple of friends about their adventures in hardware, mostly they keep it quiet. As Jack says, “it’s not water-cooler conversation.”

Nevertheless, it doesn’t take much probing to figure out that it’s happening. There’s an entire mini-industry of prostate proselytizers out there, and to the extent that you can measure these things, more and more men are opening up to their girlfriends. Laura Weide, spokesperson for sex-prop merchants Toys in Babeland, reports, “There are definitely more straight dropping into our store looking for anal toys that are curved for prostate stimulation. Our newest, the ANEROS, is flying out the door!” (According to the store’s Web site, it is designed “for easy insertion for anal-play newbies.”)

A decade ago, Dr. Carol Queen thought that she and her partner, Robert, might be the only boy and girl in the world who strapped it on. Today the two give anal-sex workshops around the country, even in such tight-assed places as Boston and Columbus, Ohio. A sexologist who’s made it her decade-long crusade to allow prostate-pokers to breathe free, Queen has even produced an instructional video called Bend Over Boyfriend, starring Robert and herself. The tape and seminars, she says soothingly, enable the isolated cornholio fan to understand, “I’m not the only one who’s discovered his butt.”

When you were too drunk or confused to realize what was happening until it was too late, one of the many, many women you’ve banged somehow worked her finger up there, And let’s also say-this is still hypothetical, so relax, okay? -that you didn’t totally hate it. Let’s even pretend, for the sake of argument, that it sorta felt kinda good, in a somewhat weird way. So, in this hypothetical situation, what would you do next?

Call the guys in your Saturday-afternoon pickup game and say, “Dude, you have got to try this!”

Maybe the guy sitting o the next barstool bites his pillow each and every night, just like you, while his wife rides him like a rodeo cowboy. That doesn’t mean that after a couple pints the two of you are going to start trading notes on lubricants.

Because, as I discovered while researching this story, it’s not easy to get guys talking about prostate pleasure; even my own friends didn’t want to get that deep into it with me. One, a crunchy, Seattle-based poet who was, as best as I remember it, gay for much of senior year in college, cut me off before I could finish my question with an emphatic “Yo, Jesus! Um, no,” Another, Paul, who lives with the wife down in Virginia, e-mailed me this: “There’s no guy so far down on the Kinsey scale that he’s not afraid he’ll cross some boundary and suddenly, Whammo! –it’ll mean he’s gay.” Besides, “I’m such a self-loathing, guilt-ridden Catholic that if I ever put anything up my ass, I’d probably snap in two.” And my college buddy John muttered something about not wanting his kid snickering over an article like this at the 7-Eleven.

If the strap-on salesmen are telling the truth when they say straight men are among their most loyal customers, then why is it so hard to find a guy who’ll cop to it? Maybe because there’s just something disreputable, unmanly-vulnerable-about the ass. Steve-o, the most heedlessly exhibitionistic of the Jackass crew, is willing to light his face on fire, but he resolutely refused to park a toy car up his heinie for the cameras; he was worried his dad would disown him. Gerbils aside, anal penetration has a P.R. problem: You saw what happened to Ralphie on the Sopranos after he had a vibrator put up there? He was dead the next episode. Dirty fuck.

Even most gay dudes tend to imply that they’re exclusively tops. The penetration taboo (and the hypocrisy) goes way up there.
“Culturally, the assumption is that anal penetration is a gay act by definition, “Carol Queen says chirpily from her office at Good Vibrations, a sex-toy retailer in San Francisco, “But that flies in the face of the fact that more gay men do other kinds of sex than penetration.”
So it’s not that gay, okay?

EVENTUALLY, SINCE NONE OF THE MEN I KNOW WOULD GIVE ME THE lowdown, I decided to see if the ladies would talk. And talk they did. As one friend put it, “Every fucking girl in the world knows that if it’s taking a really long time to get him to come when you’re giving him a blow job, you shove your finger up his butt,”(How this works exactly is question for your proctologist. For obscure reasons, the anus has as many sensitive nerve endings as the mouth. In addition, the prostate, a walnut-size organ that functions as a semen brewery, has its own pleasure-dispensing capabilities. If you’d turned out to be a girl, the same bit of embryo that became your prostate would instead have formed that hard-to-target bundle of nerves known as the G-spot.)

The women I spoke with all agreed on one thing: They usually aren’t the ones who start this stuff. It’s us guys who’ve turned them into sodomizers. Nonetheless, women know they have to be discreet. “You’ve got to be cool about it, because you might make him feel like a homo, “says a friend I’ll call Alice, who’s an artist and pretty open-minded about such things. She has see re-blooded studs roll over on their stomachs and arch their butts in the air in a fit of passion and surrender. “They don’t talk about it. That’s the thing. They aren’t very comfortable about admitting their feelings down there.”

And while Alice admits that “it’s kind of funny when they spread their butt cheeks, “she warns that there are limits: “I had this boyfriend who loved being fingered. But once he came, you could see-feel-this black cloud of shame descend over him.”

Then there was the guy she was dating who admitted, after a few drinks, that he sometimes masturbated with a toothpaste pump up his bum. “I teased him once about it. It didn’t go well,” she says ruefully, “I’ve never been able to look at those toothpaste dispensers the same way.”

All this shame makes things tricky for the man who’s looking for a girl to get down with his brown, “I get letters from guys around the world-straight guys,” says Jack Morin, the author of Anal Pleasure & Health, which has sold more than 100,000 copies. “They say, ‘I really like anal stimulation, but my wife or girlfriend freaks out when I mention it.”

Which is why it’s not unheard of for a putatively heterosexual man to go straight to the source and find a gay guy to please him. One friend of a friend admitted this proclivity to his wife; she insisted on replacing his fuck buddy with a strap-on, saving the marriage.

Another satisfied heterosexual butt boy. As Jack says: “Some men think it’s somehow unmanly. But when I do it, I feel like more of a man.”

Details Magazine
Date: April 2003
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