In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.  If you
are not person to do such thing is please not to read not is.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope
for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck
let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend
courageous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush
we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition
of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors.  These were
executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking
shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel
porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on
our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are
married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be
used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extrcted by the
latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has
been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city
tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from
their own skin.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner
if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them
in all directions.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other
diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water
served here.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first,
but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
  - English well talking.
  - Here speeching American.
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Tabu Toypro
These are funny! 

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Makes me wonder how badly I mess up my Spanish.
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