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A cucumber covered with a condom and warmed in the microwave is a good one in a pinch.
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Hank Alvarez
Let's put this one to bed. You guys keep screwing around with home made sex toys and you're likely to hurt someone else or yourself. Fruit, there's a lot more to worry about than the natural sugars that Pro mentioned. Sure they can wreck havoc inside you, but how about the insecticides they were sprayed with? If they were grown outside of the US then there's a very good chance that they were sprayed with carcinogenic insecticides like DDT that were outlawed in this country long ago. And a lot of them don't wash off well.

Coat hangers up MY ass? I don't think so. did you ever notice the smooth detailing that been done to the sex toys we buy and use? It wasn't just some mad scientist's brain fart that was hammered out in his garage that gave us the selection we have to choose from. If you have an idea run it past someone like the R&D folks at Doc Johnson. They're always looking for innovative ideas to keep ahead of the competition. And they'd probably be happy to pay you royalties on top of it.

As fr as putting anything up MY bum, aside from a well lubed finger, it better have a 'real wide base' so it doesn't get lost. I'd really hate to be the center of attention and comedy in an emergency room while they're digging it out of my ass because I haven't been able to shit for a week. It also has to have a gradual slope for easy entry and be flexible enough not to poke holes in me. It better be as smooth as a new babies ass too because I don't want any cuts up there that will have me shitting blood for a week. If you got something within those design criteria bring it on. Hank 
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