Okay... i've always been rather perverted. I started masturbating when I was in first grade (possibly kindergarden, but i don't think it's POSSIBLE at that age). I didn't find out what I was doing till I was 14, and read my first romance novel (I was doing it "wrong" too XD ).

Anyways.. i'm 19 now... pretty fat, though i don't look as fat as I am (why am i telling you this?), and I have my second bf. my first one was an inexperienced frigid little bitch. by the time he was interested in sex I was bored with him.

Anyways with this guy... HERE'S MY PROBLEM

._. despite reading all i could about sex when I was 16... i'm incredibly inexperienced.

I want to be able to deep throat him a lot, but i've sorta had bile in my mouth once after doing that... i don't know how to stop gagging (he's 7 inches).

and then... I was worried someone else wouldn't be able to get me off (i mean beside myself, since i've lately taken to grabbing my lips and squishing them together to achieve insta gasm!). but the first time he put his fingers in me he found my gspot and boy was i surprised. i've never been able to stimulate my spot much, but it felt great with him touching me. As for my clit... i get a little sensitivity out of it, but he knows i was worried i broke it once when i was a kid and walked into a couch (cunt punt. very very very painful), since i had never gotten it to work. anyways he hasn't stimulated it as much since i'm more into the gspot thing.

and my breasts aren't sensitive at all ;-;    like he bites em and stuff and that hurts and the other day they were a tad sensitive (i'll tell you what happened the other day below) but aside from that don't really respond to his or my attention (my neck on the other hand is rather sensitive).

now... here's my problem. i've yet to let him bring me off. the first time he stuck his fingers in me i liked it but was surpised and i had a lil bitty orgasm, but not much (so it doesn't really count. if i really orgasm i'm pretty sure he'd feel me clasping his fingers inside). it was less of a gasm and more of what i call "pussy lightning". just a zing. and he said "tell me when you cum" and i freaked out cause cumming in front of someone is so intamate, and what if i couldn't do it?

So then aside from that he's tried touching me before but i sorta shy away. and afterwards i always say i am embaressed about the sounds i make and stuff, which i think frustrates him. and i like hide under the blankets. ;-;  and this is not behavior for me. i researched a ton of stuff when i was 16. i'm a bonafide perv. into beastiality porn, fisting porn, femdom (no he's not into these o-o i hope to train him to perviness. well without the beastiality stuff. i think it's immoral, even if it does push my buttons). yet i get so embarressed with this stuff.

Anyways the other day (we're at break so we haven't seen eachother much), we were in my room and (i've made him a bet that if he can go some days without cumming i'll let him kiss me anywhere, and this is during that time. the bet will end sunday morning at 1) I had gone down on him (without him cumming <3) and given him a boob job ( used my expensive sugarfrost body lotion as lube ;-  and he had touched me there but i had sorta stopped him. we went out came back played around again and idunno why i did it but i put his hand down there o////o anyways it just felt really good and i was breathing hard and stuff but it was driving me crazy cause i just. couldn't. cum. THAT'S FREAKIN ANNOYING. plus i don't want him to be dissapointed with me, so i wanted to cum. i have insecurities, so screw it. anyways he's real good at finding the gspot so he messed with that and was fingering me and i think at one point he added another finger. and it just felt really good and i had my hips raised up in the air and everything. not humping just like floating XD up there. locked in position and all that. and well he said something like "your so wet" and i realized he was right i was freakin leaking. and then i realized this felt like if i came it would be an INCREDIBLE ORGASM. and i freaked out.

yes. now lemme explain why.  I've looked up squirting. and i remember the way this guy who (on page that talked about making girls cum) described how a girl should feel. so then i freaked out and instead of worrying about NOT cumming worried i would cum too hard and for the first time in my life squirt. this horrifed me for 3 reasons.
1. my parents were just upstairs. in those squirt porn vids, people never are able to temper their volume
2. nerves
3. squirting looks fucking gross. if i did that what if it grosses him out. i mean once he thought i was gonna confess i squirt and i said "oh no" so i guess that means he's not adverse to it, but still. :l it's f-in ugly looking. though i would like to experience it someday, if possible ^.^

ANYWAYS!!!!!! I grabbed his hand and stopped him, saying that I was worried i was making to much noise (though i'm not that loud).

I dunno what to do ;-; i researched sex, i shouldn't be this indecisive. and he broke my hymen that time! how do i even still have a hymen? shouldn't my dildo have taken care of that? it was enough that i thought i had started my period.

advice? and what do i do the first time time we do it? ugh, this is embaressing. ._. and looooong. and probably filled with spelling mistakes ;-;. *posts*
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Tabu Toypro
Ok so after all of that - you're saying you thought you were squirting but you were actually bleeding? You're not still bleeding so it's not your period. And you don't have any pain or any other weirdness? If you haven't ever bled like that before with your dildo, then yes, he probably popped your cherry.

Also - on the deep throat issue. No need to go that far if it makes you want to vomit. Blowjobs can be wonderful for both of you - not just the guy. Check out some of the posts under "oral sex" for some tips you can use to give a great BJ without gagging!

And listen, even women in their 30s can be shy about their bodies and feel inexperienced. That doesn't mean you need to go out and get some. It'll happen gradually, each time a new learning experience. A lot of people here are REALLY experienced, so if you feel overwhelmed, maybe check out Scarleteen.
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Plum Pudding
To be honest with you i am confused as heck. it sounds like you guys have done everything but have sex. i read biting, oral sex, fingering, i think i saw porno's , dildo's. personally it sounds like you have tons of experience but more on the fore play side. and what was the original question again. maybe i am just a little slow in the brain this evening
LIve everyday as if it is your last.
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Tabu Toypro
GirlNextDoor: Here's a great article about the "First Blood"
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