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Let's take a minute to pretend it's 2004. You're looking hot in your Uggs and knit poncho, and Lindsay Lohan is nothing more than a talented teen actress with huge knockers. If our 2009 self had approached you then, stepping out of our futuristic third-generation Prius and showing off our iPhone 3G and told you that one day in the future Lindsay would be a lesbian but it would totally not turn you on AT ALL, would you have believed us? Of course not. Back then you would have thought that lesbian Lindsay Lohan was one of the hottest things that could ever happen to the world. But of course that was before you'd ever seen Sam Ronson. But since you are now in 2009, you will recoil at a story about Sam buying Lindsay sex toys for her birthday. Says our own personal pocket pussy,

A source said: "Samantha presented her with a gift guaranteed to create lots of buzz - a big, brightly gift-wrapped basket of sex toys selected by herself. She spent hours shopping Hollywood's erotic emporiums for the items."

After giving her the present, the couple returned to Samantha's Los Angeles home to celebrate the actress' special day.
They always say that comedy is all about timing, but this proves that everything in life is all about timing. The addition of five years takes the words "Lindsay Lohan, lesbian, and sex toys" from the ultimate beat-off fantasy to something more akin to your meth head cousin's sex tape.
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I'd rather watch a porn scene with Gollum and the Grim Reaper.
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