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Male Performance Problems in the Swinging Lifestyle by Betty Rocket

Imagine you’re a man in a room with fifteen other sexy people. All eyes are on you... Now imagine you are nude and have a limp dick.

I can't imagine there is a single person reading this article that has not experienced sexual performance anxiety at some point in their lives. The pressure of sexual performance increases tenfold when you add other people to your bedroom activities, especially for the male half of a swinger couple. It is not uncommon to find men in the lifestyle who have absolutely no problem standing at attention in the privacy of their own bedrooms with their own woman, but sometimes lose their gusto when in the midst of a tryst with others.

So what are some of the common causes of male performance problems in the Swinger's Lifestyle? More importantly, what can you do about them?

The Other Man Factor
Let's face it, quite a few heterosexual men just have a problem getting naked in front of other men. If you harbor intense fears about male/male interaction or (on the extreme end) homophobic tendencies, your body will respond as well. Some men have a terrible fear that if they achieve an erection in the presence of another nude male, they'll face ridicule and scrutiny.

How do I deal?
Simple. Focus on your partner. Remember, you are not fighting an uncooperative body part, just chemical receptors in your brain. Relax and pay attention to what YOU are doing, not to the other men in the room. The Other Man Factor is usually more of an issue for newbies to the lifestyle. Once you've gotten past the initial weirdness of seeing another man's erect cock in the same room a few times, you'll usually become desensitized to it and learn that it's absolutely nothing to be uncomfortable about.

The Psych Out
This is the oldest and most frequent of anxieties hindering sexual performance. "Am I too small?" "Will I get hard?" "Does that other guy here have a bigger cock than me?" "What if can't make her come?" Negative penis image plays a large part in performance issues. A man that thinks his penis is unattractive or small will have a higher incidence of dysfunction than a man who is comfortable with his endowment. Bringing those kinds of thought processes to the table only result in a high anxiety level, which makes it next to impossible to achieve and erection.

How do I deal?
Do not feed the beast. Unless your dick is only an inch long, and you have no fingers or tongue, then you are capable of pleasuring a woman. If the moment hits, and your penis won't cooperate, take it in stride. Play on your strengths. If the bishop won't get up to attack the queen, you have other attributes that can get the job done. Get her hot and bothered, and the bishop will take notice.

The Vicious Cycle
Once a man has had one seemingly negative or embarrassing experience with achieving an erection, they can sometimes continue the trend simply by revisiting the moment. When a sexual situation presents itself again, he may become brutally anxious about a repeated failure, which in turn, causes another failure... which may further traumatize him for next time.

How do I deal?
Stop predicting! Stop living in the past! Think positively, focus on giving pleasure, and be open to any possibility. Think about all the times you DID perform like a rock star. If you still have some anxiety, then get tough... Empower yourself by taking control of the situation and making a choice ahead of time that you don't WANT to use your penis tonight. Instead, you're choosing to only use your hands and mouth, without any intention of letting your penis get involved. Ignore the little bastard! If you're penis isn't going to be nice cooperate with you, then you're not going to let it play at all. Give your penis the silent treatment long enough and he'll eventually be begging to get back in to the game.

Unfamiliar Territory
Some men are willing participants in the swing lifestyle, but are extremely attached to their own woman. Part of this is comfort. He knows that his women loves him, and doesn't judge him. He's confident that he knows how to please her. Every time a man plays with a new partner, it can feel like he's driving someone else's car. Everything works slightly differently than what he's used to, so his likelihood of crashing is bound to increase if he isn't feeling confident in the driver's seat.

How do I deal?
Your should ease into situations slowly and methodically. Just as when you first learned to drive, it helps to have someone you trust in the car with you. Keep close contact with your own and touch base often. FMF situations are ideal for starters. Or play with the same couple exclusively for a bit. Once you get some more driving experience under your belt, you will feel comfortable and confident behind the wheel of pretty much anything.

Whiskey Dick
I am not much of an advocate for heavy drinking at swinger's parties. The entire point of sex is sensation, and alcohol definitely numbs that sensation. While a little bit of alcohol can sometimes help with some of the psychological anxieties that I've mentioned above, if you imbibe a little too much it can effect you physically and your dick will not get hard at all

How do I deal?
Some people would recommend finding someone with Viagra. But this can lead to other problem. I've often heard that Viagra will actually increase your level of intoxication, meaning that you may end up sloppy drunk or even passed out with a hard-on. The better idea is to put down the drink, eat something, try to sober up. If you are stumbling drunk, do the other partygoers a favor and go to bed, If it works out, great. If not, there's always next time. Better to keep your dignity for next time.

Remember, swinging is fun. We do this for gratification on many levels, not just the pursuit of intercourse. If your dick decides to take the night off, there are many other things you can do. You don't need to let it interfere with your ability have a fantastic time.


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Betty Rocket

Betty Rocket
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