BadgeBunny22
****WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE!*****
My husband is 40 and I am 22.  We have been together for 5 years.  After the 3rd year I felt him give up trying to impress me with sex.  When he met me I was slightly overweight  (like 20 lbs) and I had REAL boobs (36 C).  I felt a shift between us when I realized I was marking the days on a calander of when we had sex.  Sometimes it would only be 1-2 times a month.  It used to be like 8-10 times a week.  Now HE has sex and finishes in less than 30 seconds.  I got a boob job (DD), thinking it would make things better and now he comes quicker but never even touches tit!  I force him to allow me to give him head, I swallow, I take it in the rear-there's nothing I won't do.  I even try to get him to watch porn with me and he won't.  He says it's not real.  He thinks I'm a freak.  All I can do is blame myself for being a bad wife.

I workout everyday-lost 40 pounds since we met, I tan everyday, ( I even go to the extremes of sitting up while I tan the last 5 minutes so I don't get those little white marks under my butt so he has a nice tan ass to look at) I have my hair just how he likes it, and I shave just how he likes.  I don't go out of the house without makeup and when he's hear I usually have it on-just for him.  I don't dress like a bum-I'm always well dressed-even if it's outside with the horses.  He tells me I'm hot and when we're around the house he'll hang on me and grab some boob now and then but when it's bedtime-he really means bedtime. 

I'm so heartbroken...I tried to surprise him one night when he came home from work-I laid in entryway spread eagle with some cute a** lingerie on.  He told me to get up off the floor!  He thought it was "whitetrash."  Trust me, the first thing someone would think from this story...'he's cheating and he doesn't need anything from you-he gets it elsewhere.'  I am 100% sure he is NOT.  I have been through that scenario time and time again-he is a very honest person. 

I would do anything for this guy!  I would put my mouth anywhere on him if I knew it could spark some interest-trust me, I've tasted just about every square inch!

He tells me all the time that his co-workers think I'm so hot.  I know he's proud to be with me, he holds my hand and hugs me and kisses me, even in public-and he's usually a private person.

I think I'm doing more harm than good now.  I was watching that old lady on TV, Sue, who has sex show...and she said if you give a guy a handjob using bubblewrap and lube, it's like better than a BJ.  So I did and he FLIPPED!  "WTF are you doing????"  "WTF is that sh*T?!?"  Ok...so I messed that up.  I should have told him but I knew he would have said no.  You know the one thing that pisses me off more than anything...when he's not up to getting off his feet to do the nasty I have been riding him.  I don't do it anymore because he just lays there with a grimace on his face.  I am so tempted to put a pillow on his face or just do it in the dark.  How mean am I???

Another time when he was sleeping, I got him hard (still asleep) and climbed on top of him but in 69 position so he woke with my *ussy in his face.  He kissed it and said he's too tired and fell back asleep.  I don't care who you are, if you're a female and your own husband does that to you, you're going to cry! 

He sucks at oral now. (HA no pun intended)  I swear he used to be the best guy I have ever been with (like 5% of the reason I married him) now it's so boring.  I almost have it timed-after about 4 minutes he just about quits and starts grunting and sighing like he's tired.  I am so not a dirty girl!  It's not like I'm hygienically challenged....I make it perfect for him, only doing it 5 minutes or less out of the shower and COMPLETELY shaven.  I would just rather stick my hand down my pants then let him eat me out.

Another problem is that he doesn't like to be touched.  I have been with him for 5 years and I have never kissed his neck.  You can't touch him past his jawline and then it starts back at his dick.  He hates his nipples, even pecks, touched.  Hates his stomach, back and hips touched.  I have never even kissed his ears, he would punch me if I dared to whisper something in his ear.  He also hates massages and having his feet rubbed. 

You know, I'm freaking 22!  These are problems that older women have with older men.  I'm not asking for rose petals and candles, but I want him to want me and have that good a** rough, bent over the couch, on the kitchen table, BJs in the truck kinda love we use to have.  I have tried using toys with him, and he thinks that for gay guys.  I have him use toys on me, but I can sense resentment afterwards-like he's mad at my vibrator because it lasts longer than 30 seconds.  I don't really want it, but I have suggested swinging-like maybe it would get him going but he says it will ruin our relationship and he wants me all for himself.  He says he would have to beat up the guy he just watched f***ed me.

He has was in the military and lived in Europe most of his life.  I can't tell you how many nasty things he's done-things I have never heard of.  I love hearing his stories though afterwards I feel like my stomach is in knots!  He won't tell me, but I estimate he's been with at least 250 women, maybe more.  Sometimes I think he's just bored, like there's nothing I can give him that he hasn't had a million times over.  But why would we have 3 great years of super wonderful sex?  Why does this happen now?  Have I been to relaxed and given him everything too soon?  Do I need to turn into a prude?   

I am not a nag about sex.  I don't even talk about it anymore with him.  I have tried giving him too much and cutting it off completely-he's just never noticed.  I know this isn't a place to talk about love and relationships and all that sappy crap, so in the most raw form I can put it-how does a person fix this lack of sexual chemistry?

This man is very attractive, looks 10 years younger than he is, gets picked up on when I'm with him (people think I'm his daughter) and is well endowed.  He's buff, has tats, has one of the best jobs in the world, and is the most masculine man I have ever laid eyes on.  I would never divorce him, even if I knew we would never have sex again.

I would really appreciate any ideas, comments, questions, concerns, statements, inquiries-positive or negative about my situation.  I'm not at my rope's end but I would like to think this situation can be fixed.  I have given this problem 2 years of help and I'm stuck.

He has a had a complete physical-I ruled that out a long time ago.  He has healthy blood pressure and does not have ED.  Does not have diabetes either  Does Viagra still work on a man without ED?

Please respond, even if you have something negative to say!  I need help! THANKS SO MUCH!             
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Quit obsessing over your looks pretty lady. It doesn't have anything to do with you- it's him! You might consider the fact that you haven't even hit your hormonal prime, whereas he's reached typical "male menopause" age. Testosterone levels always drop after the mid-30's. It's not abnormal so don't go reaching for the medication but it DOES affect sex drive in most men. You just can't expect a middle aged man to have the drive of his early 20's. Yes, he is a lucky man, and yes, I'm sure he finds you absolutely gorgeous but he STILL won't have the physical drive he did before no matter what you do.

And, sorry to be blunt, you may not be sexually compatible. Some people are highly sexual and some are not, regardless of how "hot" they appear. If he's a meat and potatoes guy-you won't change him. Not every guy is into kink but if he loves you and treats you with respect then this may not be the worse thing in the world. You will definitely not improve the situation by forcing the issue. If you want to remain with him in a monogamous relationship then you need to find ways to take care of yourself (if you know what I mean.) You are in a sex toy forum, after all...

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SexPistol
Look, male menopause is not an excuse to disrespect your wife. I mean, look you knowingly marry a woman half your age and then ignore her needs as a woman somewhere down the line. He should get off his a** and get to the doctor and get some help, I did. There is hormone replacement therapies that make a guy feel like a young man again and I am not talking about Viagra used for ED. If he can't / won't get help, It may mean that when he married you, it may have been a mid life crisis move for him and you just happened to be more convenient then a buying a Corvette. Unfortunately, you may have to face the fact that the parties over babe and there ain't know amount of giddin yourself up that can fix that. Talk to him honestly and ask him to work with you towards working through this issue. Good luck

Been there.
Sex Pistol.
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I second what Sex Pistol said.
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Quit trying to take responsibilty for his issues! You can't fix this-only he can. Yu either need to get used to it or move on.
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fizzle3nat
What is his problem?!  It's not all about him - if he doesn't want you to touch him even though you offer, fine!  But you still have needs and he should be more than happy to offer to you.  He could just as easily say, 'Thanks for the offer babe, but I'm just not in the mood - can I do something for you though?  How about _____?"

My hubby offers me orgasms all the time and is always trying to touch me or make me feel sexy, even when he's tired, sick, or not in the mood.  He says he likes to satisfy me, and making me feel good makes him feel good.  And I would only consider myself 'average' looking.  I don't shave my downstairs and I go to bed without makeup on.  9 times out of 10, he'll start kissing on me and ask if there's anything he 'can do for me'.

I'd ask your husband (outside of the bedroom, so he feels more secure) why his behavior has changed.  Maybe there's something bothering him that is affecting his ablility to 'perform'; physically or mentally.  Maybe, since he's older than you, he feels like you're too hot for him and he's feeling insecure.  Let him know that you love him, but you really would like a little more *action*.  See what he says...good luck!
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samantha[w]
i second what everyone else has said.

you say that you are always tanning, shaving, and trying to look good for your husband. maybe you should try to go natural and see what happens. maybe your husband is tired of the make up and always looking nice? I'm not saying look like a hobo on the street but just relax and look natural for the day.
samantha [w] ♥
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Sex is only a surface issue, meaning to say, a reflection of a deeper problem. Perhaps it's time you try to connect on a deeper level rather than focusing on the superficial, like hair and make-up. What is sex without intimacy? Like a one-night stand with your own partner.

It's about ritualising a period of the day with your partner; it can be looking at each other, touching each other, running a bath, a massage, deeper levels of connection. Sex is only the surface. Once you really connect, you cannot imagine the erotic intensity you can achieve together.

Create a relaxing and romantic atmosphere. It should feel warm and inviting. Light some candles, add some fresh flowers, hang some exotic artwork, play soft music, and dim the lighting. You should feel comfortable and at ease.

Use breathing techniques. Sit quietly facing each other. Rest your hands on your knees with your palms facing up or you can also hold hands. As you gaze into your partner's eyes, take soft deep breaths. Keep your eyes open. This may feel awkward at first ... but DON'T STOP. Eye contact is essential creating intimacy. Begin to breathe at the same pace, bringing air slowly in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Maintain eye contact while you breathe together.

Remember intimacy leads to great love making. Moving the energy of orgasm through physical channels creates sensations of ecstasy throughout the body and enhancing over all good health.
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hogtime
Girl He needs help not you!I'm in my late 40's and so is my wife.To have a hot young bride like your self and not want to have sex every day with you WTF????Get his ass to the Dr's office and get him some help or get out of a bad situation thats only going to get worse,and I don't like divorce but I also don't think you deserve to be ignored eithier.If all he thinks about is himself,toss him!Your to young and good to be stuck in a bad relationship for the rest of your life.
Times short,let's ride!
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And the answer to this riddle is..."My husband is 40 and I am 22."
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Adriana
I have some thoughts on this. Obviously, something  is bothering him and we're not quite sure what. You both need to try to communicate which means he has to stop freaking out if you try to please him and you have to stop asking other people. Your problem lies with the both of you, not us.

Furthermore, what I see you describing is your aim to be beautiful in a typical way but, the thing is, many people don't like that. I find myself turned off by the idea of a perpetual tan and fake breasts. Maybe he does, too. Maybe, even though you were overweight, he liked you because you had a very unique look and now you don't.

And maybe it has nothing to do with that. Maybe it's just his age and he can't perform. Maybe that embarrasses him.

I agree that his behaviour is rude but by pushing sex on him, you could only be further alienating him. You need to communicate with your husband,
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