lite touch
Hi I am recently widowedand wondering about how soon to begin dating and having sex?  What is Normal???
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Hank Alvarez
Lite-touch: I'm sure the operative word here is "normal" and it's usually case specific. How do you feel about it? Are you guilt ridden? If you are you may want to wait a little while longer. You know the stages of bereavement, and have you gone through them? They say when you get thrown off a horse it's best to get back on right away but that may be comparing apples to oranges. Did you have the opportunity to discuss this with your departed spouse? Are there children involved? That would be something to consider. A friend who counselled divorced individuals recommended a grieving period of one month for each year they were married after the divorce was final and that always made sense to me. Perhaps a little more data and we could give you a better answer. But in any case you will find a lot of willing listeners here. Welcome. HHH
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Welcome to the Board, Lite Touch! My condolences on the loss of your wife.

I was widowed in December, 2006. Not as recent as you, but I know where you are. Allow me to tell you what I did. The first thing was, I had to ask myself some questions about where I wanted my life to go. Was I ready for any type of relationship? Would any new relationship be overruled by thoughts of my late wife? What kind of relationship was I ready for? What kind of physical/emotional relationship would I be ready for? And, like you, I questioned if there was an 'acceptable' time for me to become involved in any kind of relationship?

I could give you my answers, but I think you need to look at where you are at this time. I have to agree with HHH... there is no such thing as 'normal'. I will tell you that by the end of the first month, I was dating again. And having sex. I was looked at strangely by some 'friends'...they thought I was being disrespectful to the memory of my late wife. To them I say, bull shit! Until someone has walked in your shoes, they have no clue!

Good Luck to You! Keep the class posted...we will all be interested to know how you are doing. Need to talk? Send me a message...I'll do the best I can to answer any questions. And, by the way, I was married again in September, 2007. My wife is Dreamer on here...she's around here somewhere.

Hey, Dreamer?????
Lovin My Wife...Lovin Life

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Hi Lite Touch...I agree with both HHH and Roadie. You will know when you are ready. Each individual is different in the sense that they grieve differently. Yes you need to ask yourself if you want a committed relationship or a "friends with benefits" type of relationship. You should also ask yourself if you can go out into the dating arena with an open mind. I don't know how long you've been out of the game, but it's not like it was back before I first got married 29 years ago. So you can expect some surprises both pleasant and some weird
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