Okay I'm not quite sure where to start but... I need something small to start with and I don't know what that would be!
Short history.  I was raped when I was 9-11 by my cousin and his friend while I was staying with my aunt due to family issues.
Now, at 26, I haven't had any sexual experiences since then.

I've never even been able to tolerate a tampon, they hurt like CRAZY and I can barely walk when I try them.  Even the smallest ones.
So I know that part of this is my own tenseness and bit of fear. 
Anyhow, my current partner knows how tense I am about it and suggested we start with a few soft gentle toys, to get me relaxed on my own before we try anything together. 

So can anyone suggest anything soft, and SMALL in diameter to get me started and more relaxed?

Thanks so much!!!
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TabuToys Moderator
Unfortunately, psychological issues can cause some very uncomfortable physical symptoms. Dryness and even an involuntary spasm of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina can make penetration seem virtually impossible, as in your case. However, it can be overcome through patience and an understanding of how your body works.

If you have the ability to enjoy pleasure through non-intercourse methods like masturbation, a great deal of foreplay can ease the way. Rather than "force" your body to accept penetration, have you considered other avenues (like clitoral stimulation) to relax? Almost all women require some form of clitoral stimulation in order to enjoy vaginal intercourse, or even prepare for it. Oral sex from your partner would be a gentle way to start, but if this brings up fear or painful memories you could try a small, clitoral vibrator. Try using it solo and see how your body responds.

If you've already tried this route and simply want to experiment with a small dildo, the Real Feel Beginner's Dong is soft, only 3.5 inches in length and designed for first-time encounters. We think an excellent option for you would be the Berman Center Dilator Set which is created by therapists to gradually re-educate the vaginal muscles to accept penetration. The fact that it vibrates makes it theraputic as well as fun.

Keep in mind, an enormously important aspect of enjoying sex is the way you view it. Many survivors can't help but take the passive role with any kind of penetration as a kind of "violation" that must be accepted. It's time to drop this mode of thinking. One way to achieve this is to take a pro-active approach to sex, in which you are in the driver's seat. Don't look at your vagina isn't just a passive receptor, but something designed to engulf a penis or vibrator, and something that is fully within your control. The woman-on-top position will let you guide the tempo and depth of penetration and the generous application of a good personal lubricant will help reduce discomfort as well.

Lastly, some good reading might be in order. The "Survivors Guide to Sex" by Stacey Haines addresses common issues among sex-abuse survivors and, most importantly, how to let them go in a fun and sex-positive way. We highly recommend it!

Good luck, and have fun on your erotic journey!
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i hate it that this happens to girls. i hope you can let this go so this asshole pervert motherfucker wont continue to ruin your life!!!
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Oh wow. I'm sorry. I was not abused but I have a similer issue in that anything large hurts and its affected my sex life with men. I use a very small, skinny vibe that I got off the site. I can't remember what it is called (I think it is called a fun vibe) but it is purple and the tip goes to a little point. If you call them I'm sure they can find it for you. Anyway, because the tip is so tiny it doesnt cause me any pain at all. I also use it on my clit.
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OMG I really hate to hear that but in due time u'll over come that fear I wish you that best of luck..........
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Wow! That was very rude! especially he is your cousin. Very disrespectful cousin, I don't like people doing this kind of behavior. Your cousin should pay for what he did to you..
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Sorry to hear about that. I'm in a similar situation with vibrators hurting me. I'm a 25 year old virgin so I'm not really stretched out and even when I use a ton of vaseline, my vibrators usually are "spat out" and I've found it's more effective to just use them as a clit stimulator.
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