My wife is 74 with severe Osteo Arthritis and I'm 71 with Cialis ready to have fun but she won't let me even touch her let alone have sex. Once in a blue moon she will lie flat on the bed & let me do Oral on her. In a way I feel sorry for her but I am so Horny. Can you suggest anything? A toy or lotion?
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I have arthritis pain,husband w Proust.cancer,e.d.Yet I want to be held w warm arms ,touched as if i am most beautiful,sensous woman in world. takes me long time to accept the 'Right to be loved' Pain is like a funeral shroud has closed a gap in our relationship.  Previously and present Hubs. more obsorb ed in his walleye fishing tournaments, As young couple we had freq sex but he did not care that I did not orgasm. I took care of myself after he fell asleep. Medications,pain,disinterest, I seek pleasure by myself and occasionally find it.  I am considering an sexual affair with a younger acquaintance. No need to tell husb...he is happy as a lark still works f.t. fishes rather than taking a 23rd anniversary honeymoon w me. I earlier life I was unfaithful to 1st husb. Out of guilt I confessed.and then bore GUILT. Present Husb says,"why did u find it necessary to confess".which tells me He has probably done same since me. I just have had this idea of being true and faithful w him forever.But even when we have been intimate 2 times in 12 months He has been too interested in his own pleasure,and SO NOT interested in what was happenning or not for me.MUCH like in our earlier years.  I fear that w my age,lost beauty,that I cannot enjoy a young or older man UNLESS THEY ARE TRAINED IN SPECIFIC PLEASURE FOR ME!!  God HELP ME, I am not wealthy but if I could pay $500.00 and have an hour of senseous loving touch,I would do it. Young at heart and in heat.
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I was in a sexless marriage for many years and believe me it will NEVER change unless your partner makes the effort. Perhaps some counseling would help?
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Tabu Toypro

Take a look at the male masturbators we carry: They range in size from small, hand held strokers to a full sized, anatomically correct molds that you can set down and thrust into.

A good lubricant you can use with any toy is Eros Waterbased:

If you are looking for something you can use on her, maybe look into something soft like the Cyber Flicker:

It's not uncommon for women of her age to be unwilling to participate in sexual acts as she may have once done. Especially with the discomfort of Osteoporosis!
Shop safe at
Read our Sex Blog!
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I think sometimes my wife wants it less when she knows I'm available, or when I'm being too affectionate. Maybe she feels like I have an ulterior motive. I don't know. I just know that when I'm busy and not showing her very much attention she seems alot more interested.  One time, my wife decided to be totally honest with me, a while ago. We were sitting there, and I made a suggestion of sex to her, and she told me no. Shortly afterwards, I went to bed, a little despondent and unhappy.

Shortly afterwards, she came up after me, and told me that she wanted sex, but as soon as I asked, something inside her just said no. She said that the same thing happened when I was affectionate, for some reason.

Men are not generally affectionate. We all know this to be true. To a man, affection leads to sex, and women know this. Therefore, affection is pressure for sex. Being generally respectful to your wife involves making sure that both partners are being involved in all decision making processes, and that all of her needs and desires (non-sexual) are met. Dealing with the sexual pecking order involves non-verbal communication. Unfortnately women want men who totally desire them less than men who give a crap about them. If this is a lie, then tell me now! My wife is completely honest with me and she tells me it is not only true of her but all of her friends!
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Hank Alvarez
This can happen with both wives and husbands. Some times we have to be assertive. My wife made a joke about it once saying, "If I grab his pull toy he'll follow me anywhere." I think a lot of the times we all need a nudge. There's nothing wrong there. Are you telling me that if you get down there and start giving your mate head they're not going to respond? If so you need help. Hank
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OK...advice from one who is working on marriage number three. But I have tried this...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. But here goes anyway.

'Showing affection' is a trick term. If you mean some type of a physical gesture (touching a boob, a rub across the ass, a kiss you try to make last a little too long), then the signal is obvious where you want the next step to go. And in my limited experience, the answer is going to be 'NO' 9.5 times out of 10. I have no clue why, but that is what the answer is going to be...and you aint even ask the question!

On the other hand, if by 'showing affection' you mean doing things for your partner, not to your partner, the rules change. Doing the dishes, making dinner, taking her shopping (and staying out of Bass Pro), holding her hand while you watch TV with NO expectation of sex. These work...kinda...sometimes...but showing affection works better when it is outside the realm of sex.

The other part, to me, of 'showing affection' is the one thing I got blasted with a lot in my first marriage. I was accused of not being romantic. I discovered, by being turned down often, that if there was more besides saying 'let's fuck', I got a whole lot farther. I love to look at a beautiful woman (and isnt your wife the most beautiful woman you have ever seen?) in lingerie. Buying it is an obvious sign you have a desire for sex, but that works. A note about lingerie:  Do No, under ANY circumstances, just rip it off. Most lingerie can be moved out of the way in a very romantic way.

The problems presented with sex and physical challenges, especially because of aging, I'm afraid I can't be a lot of help. Never having been faced with it, I dont know what to say. I will say that my second wife had severe back pain, which sometimes made sex for her uncomfortable. But, we worked on, around it, and talked about ways to make it better for her. If her alcoholism hadnt got in the way, some of the things we talked about might have actually worked.

Not sure if any of this helped. I cant put a lot of the things I would like to say into words like some of the wonderful bloggers we have aligned with Tabu, but I do the best I can. I can only help somebody can get something good out of this and expand on it in their own way.
Lovin My Wife...Lovin Life

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Hank Alvarez
Commenting to the remarks above, I think our concepts of beauty and desire change as we age. Oh, I can still appreciate seeing a young woman but there's something in the back of my mind that says that's not likely for me at my age. And would I really want her? Probably not. What really turns me on now is a woman closer to my age who Iv'e gotten to know, like and hopefully love.

My wife is always critical about herself to a fault, but to me her beauty has matured like fine wine and I want to savor every drop. Looking in the mirror, I'm not a bargain anymore either, but I know some cool tricks.

What really turns me on now is what's inside the mind and body. What does she know? What can she do? When I was very young a past lover solved the problem for me by saying, "In the dark we're all Tarzan and Jane," meaning we are who ever we want to be. So it's not the wrapping of the package that counts but what's in it.

Without any serious mental hangups I'll take an experienced older lover any time. I learned that at the age of sixteen and it's never failed me. So if I have someone who I know is capable of giving me all that I desire then I have to communicate that need and desire but if it falls on deaf ears and I can't do it alone then I need help.

For what ever reason many people waste a lot of good years being sexually frustrated when a little professional help could be the answer. One of my teachers at CSULB did that daily, he helped people with their problems in the bed room. It's covered by many medical insurance plans under psychological counseling and it's needed by one out of four of us. If you've gotten to the point of desperation why suffer? Try it. Hank   

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