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What do you do when your man doesn't know how to treat you the way you want to be treated in bed?
by Kristen Meinzer for

In this week's Savage Love, a young woman writes to Dan Savage about her desire for rough sex and her new boyfriend's seeming inability to give it to her.

"The last guy I dated used to toss me around like a rag doll," she explains, "and I miss being dominated."

In order to remedy the situation, the woman has hatched a scheme: have a threesome with her new boyfriend and her ex-boyfriend, so that the new boyfriend can learn the basics of bondage, rape fantasies, etc. The new boyfriend, she tells Dan, is totally on board with the plan. Nonetheless, she can't help but wonder: "Am I being a selfish bitch?" and "Is it a bad sign that he's not satisfying me sexually after three months?"

We can't help but think, however, that there might be a more important question she should be asking: "Is there a less complicated, more sure-fire way to teach my boyfriend how to teach me a lesson?"

Dan, unfortunately, never asks this question. Instead—as he should—he reassures her that her selfishness is fine ("You...want him to meet your needs—ably, skillfully—because you want to stay with him" and that sometimes it takes a while for a couple to sync up sexually.

And then—as we wouldn't—he tells her that: "This threesome will help your current boyfriend up his game, thereby saving this relationship."

It's not that we're such prudes that we think threesomes are invariably a bad idea. Nor do we think there's anything wrong with looking back on follies with an old flame as inspiration for what to do with the current. It's just that there are other ways to help someone give you what you want in bed—ways that have a far slimmer chance of leading to explosively awkward emotional messiness.

Might we suggest porn? Or perhaps instructional videos? Or books, classes, BDSM clubs? Really, there are a lot things worth trying that don't involve the person you used to adore and the person you currently do being naked in a room together.

Of course, if those methods don't work, have the kinky threesome. Just remember to bring enough handcuffs.

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The thing that made me wonder, and I noticed some of the commenters brought this up: The supposedly timid current boyfriend "agreed right away" to the threesome with her ex.

3 things that come to my mind:

1. He's extremely open-minded and GGG, which would be great but I somehow doubt that since he's "timid".
2. He is, in fact, very timid & only agreed to the threesome out of fear of losing his gf.
3. He's secretly gay or bisexual which could further complicate things with his gf. It would most definitely if he is gay.
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If you want anything from your SO, just freaking tell them
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Okay, I went through this same issue when me and Master first met.  I just emailed Him, and told Him what I wanted, and added lots of links to sites for Him to read up on and research for Him self.  Almost 2 years later, we are a wonderfully happy M/s couple.  Take him to bed with my ex husband to show him?  I think not!  Something like that would have never even crossed my mind.  There is way too much out there for something that extreme. 
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i agree with adriana... you need to tell..
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