Rendezv0us
Hi there

My bf and I have been together just over 2 years and in the past couple of months the once fantastic sex has kinda disappeared. I got the "sex has become boring" talk tonight and needless to say, I am feeling very fragile.

Long story short, he initiates more often than not, I am happy to, but wasn't doing so as much as he.

He tends to think up all the ideas, I am not very creative but I am always keen to try anything. We regularly practice anal (in me).

He is sick of thinking up the ideas and has requested I try to think up some ideas to help us renew the spark. Also he thinks I was getting a bit awkward in the sack... a little resistant when switching positions and making the whole process difficult.

This has made me feel a bit stressed, and I am reaching out to everyone here to try help me think up some ideas.

I LIKE to be dominated, but as a result that means he is the one doing most the 'work'. I want to pull my own weight, but I guess I have this confidence issue that I am not smart enough to match him in the creativity department in the bedroom.

Lingerie, positons (I think we've tried them all!), new toys, anything you can think of, please post away. I need some help here, world.



NB: He didn't come across mean or anything when talking about this. He distinctly said he isn't saying he wants to break up, but wants to try to solve the problem with me. If it can be solved.
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Tabu Toypro
Hi there Rendezv0us and welcome!

You have a very common situation brewing here. It happens in almost all areas of life. Things lose their luster after some time passes. Think of a new car a few years down the road, a cool apartment or even an awesome job. After time, we tend to take things for granted and the excitement, passion and sometimes the fun gets lost.

There's always hope though and I commend the bf for initiating the conversation! You have to look at him with new eyes again. Think of all the things about him that turn you on. Tease him during the day, tell him he's hot, flirt it up like you're new lovers again to build up some anticipation during the day.

I suggest you try absolutely new positions and new places to have sex. Don't have it in the same place, the same way all the time. In fact, steer clear of your normal routine and try to engage in ways you haven't before. Do you guys talk dirty during sex? If not, start. Give him good eye contact during oral. Try food play. Pegging? have you penetrated him? Have you played with his ass before? If he wants that and you haven't tried, maybe lure him into the shower. Take a washcloth with soap and start to gently lather up his behind. After he's good and clean and you're both horny as hell, get on your knees and here comes the blunt part...lick his ass hole. If that doesn't shed new light on the relationship I don't know what will.

As far as you being dominated, do you have regular scenes you set up? Ask him to do something new to you. Or maybe try switch. If he's ok with it and you're ok with it, think of it as your free pass to try all kinds of new things on him, now that he's your pet.

It is very normal to have high times and low times in the passion department but it certainly doesn't mean your love for each other is any less. And if you are just flat out not in the mood for penetration but still want to have a little fun, give him a good handjob or footjob. Sometimes it's just a change of pace that we need to spark the fire up again. 




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Rendezv0us
Thankyou for the welcome and for taking the time to write a reply. I didn't sleep much last night, I feel so stressed about losing him to this problem.

I think our regular scene is just using the ballgag on me. Maybe I could try using that but at the same time reverse cowgirl? I have a little problem with co-ordination... I think that may be part of the issue because it's made me very self conscious.

I guess the main point here is I must go back to him with these/my ideas and put them into practice. Or at least bring them up for discussion.



Umm  'footjob'?!
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Roadie
Welcome aboard Rendezv0us! Always nice to have a new face in the crowd! If there is one thing this bunch does good here...it's offer advice and try to help.

First of all...you have got to lose the stress. I think that will complicate matters. Relax! You are not the only one that feels you may be lacking in the creativity department. Dreamer (my wife...and has done some posts on here) has the same 'problem'. She feels she has no imagination. But she does...you both do.

I'm going to offer a couple sugestions. The first is...have him make a list of 3 - 5 sexual fantasies he has. Use that as a starting point. I think the list should be things that you two don't ususally do. And they should be about the two of you...not 3-somes or orgies...fantasies he has about YOU! That could apply to you too...make a list of things you would like...don't tell him what they are...just do them! Sometimes seeing things in print makes them easier to accomplish!

Second...if you are self-conscious about making suggestions...take a picture of them. Put on one of your sexiest outfits...take a picture...and send it to him on his cell phone. Get him to thinking about what you will look like when he gets home! Even a bikini or bathing suit will work!

Good Luck! And keep the class updated. We are always interested in how any advice we offer works!
Lovin My Wife...Lovin Life

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Hank Alvarez
RendezvOus:
I always thought sex takes two. You're right it's hard to be creative all the time but you're going to find that your greatest sexual resource is right between your ears, your brain. Sex is about 30% physical and 70% mental. Here at the Forum you have one of the best resources available I've ever seen to encourage and educate you as to what the rest of us mammals are doing in the bedroom. You're bf is probably right because if he has to be the instigator all the time and do all the work that can get old in a hurry. Every couple of times you need to give him something special to make him want to come back for more. Sex is a lot like food. You don't eat the same thing everyday do you? I like a little salt and pepper on my food but once in a while I want some jalapenos to really spice it up.

Unfortunately you didn't really give us much information to go on. We don't know what you can or like to do in the sack? You may also have a lot to learn. Are you familiar with the various positions and willing to use them? Some gals aren't.

How's you oral skills? Can you give outrageous head? Can you swallow him down to his balls and lick them? If you can't then you need to know that it's an acquired skill not a God given gift. And sadly some women can't but if you can believe me he's not going to be bored. If you're not willing to learn, well that's another issue.

How about anal? What do you know about it? Are you capable and skilled in that area? In the store here they have some excellent 'how to' videos. Think about sex like this: sex is a lot like playing cards. Some people like to play only poker and they get pretty good at it but that's why they have so many different tables and games of chance in casinos. They cater to your sense of adventure and that's what yo have to do in the bedroom. After all variety is the spice of life. Read on in the Forum and you'll get some great advice from some wonderful people who had to learn the hard way and are willing to share their knowledge and experience with you. And some day you can do the same for someone else. HHH
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Tabu Toypro
Rendezv0us wrote:

Umm  'footjob'?!


Heh, never had your feet fucked before? Lube them up and lie back with him kneeling in front of you. Try taking the head of his cock between your big toe and the second one. Stroke it or swirl around just under the head. You can press both feet together (as long as you don't give yourself a charlie horse) and stroke the shaft that way too or just let him go at them. Try adding visuals for him with a little self-masturbation.
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ireallywanttoknow
Your not alone.  My wife and I have the same sort of issues.  She usually leaves the creativeness to me.  I wish she would set that creative spark on fire some time.  I am also usually the one that initiates sex in our house.  I think it's her way of seeing whether or not I still want her.  I really would kill to have her initiate sometimes though.  I would get an instant hard on if she would whisper.  "I want your cock" into my ear just once.  I don't think I could wait till bed time.  I love my wife and realize that she just is not comfortable doing these things so I take care of it.  That doesn't mean I don't wish she would step up to the plate once in a while though.  I guess what I'm trying to say is this seems like a pretty normal thing in a relationship.  Stop stressin' and roll with some good ol' flirting with your old man. 
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Hank Alvarez
You may well have found the solution to your own problems; communication. Talking about sex with your partner can be very difficult for some people, much more than doing it, especially if you feel something is wrong. We tend to easily discuss the things the things that are okay but we avoid the subjects that we think might anger or hurt our partners. The tricky part is getting them to participate and not just sit there and sulk. In this discussion you're likely to get some surprises from your partner

Where you do it is important too. I don't think the bedroom is a good place and it needs to be free of distractions. If you start talking about what's lacking in your partner's sexual repertoire in the bedroom, from experience I can pretty much guarantee that you aren't going to get any that night. A friend suggested discussing it in the car but on southern California's crowded freeways where I live that could be suicidal.

Once you decide where you're going to have this discussion you want to plan what you are going to say very carefully. You might also want to also  anticipate what your lover's reactions and responses would likely be. I've been through a couple of these and it's no fun but if it ends up improving the situation it's worth it. HHH
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Tabu Toypro
Excellent advice, guys. Hanks's right - don't talk about it in the heat of the moment, or in the bedroom at all. In fact, no more talking, you've done that. Start acting! I like all of these comments but you might want to re-read irwtk's advice because he's feeling the same thing your bf is.

Go outside of the norm but don't do anything you're uncomfortable with.
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P Gell
Hi, Rendezv0us, My Man, my husband, my lover, my partner, the father of my children, my cherry popper and I have been together more than 2 1/2 decades, having sex for all of them. We have not, yet, found sex to become boring or routine. Yes, we know what we both like, but we add different things and try "new stuff",and do more talking about sex lately than we did in the past.

The last few years have been fantastic, our kids are growing up, one is out of the house, one is on her way, and two are still home most of the time, but we feel our nest is emptying. Having good sex with small children in the house is a challenge.

My advice to you is that yes, toys, and DVDs, and books etc really do help, but the spark of your relationship has to be there and still be strong for the sex to stay fantastic. After more than 20 years together we now have sex at least 6 to 14 times a week. We have learned, over the years, to listen to what the other likes and also try new things, and bring back old ones. We were together about a year, (not married, in fact I was still in High School) when we decided to have an Open Relationship. My Man had had experience with other women, I had only known him. We hadn't really seriously talked about spending our entire lives together, but we both knew that with our limited experience that years down the line one or both of us may have said, "What else is out there?" I think our decision to see other people was right for us and after about 4 to 5 years of this (while still seeing each other) we realized what a good thing we had together and made it monogamous.

I am not saying you and your man need to do this, only that we found that we needed to do this, due to limited experience (more on my part, but he wasn't done sowing his wild oats when we met either) and it helped us be sure when we finally did commit to each other.

We have found over the decades, that the frequency of sex waxes and wanes, (down to couple three a times a week, usually quickies in the middle of the night, when you have babies)  that the intensity does also, and that sometimes life gets in your way of enjoying your partner. You need to learn to NOT let life get in the way of enjoying your partner (we have a "no thinking/worrying about work or the kids during sex" rule) But, if the Love is True, the sex remains hot and steamy. At least that is my experience.

You and your man may have a different experience I don't know. But, if the relationship isn't working, all the sex toys and new positions in the world won't save it. Even kinky sex (and I am saying that in a good, way as I like kinky sex) will grow stale if the relationship isnt progressing and staying strong and whole. I may be off here, but 2 years is not a long time to be together, not long enough for the sex to have grown stale already. (Saying that with more than 10 times the years together and still no stale sex.) I am NOT dissing you or your man, but maybe the two of you need to talk while you are NOT in bed.

The sex usually reflects the rest of the relationship.

There may be other things holding you back. However do NOT say to him, "We need to talk about the relationship." Nothing sends a man running, or at least putting on his "woman filter" (where they stare at you and say "uh huh, really. Yeah." and don't listen or participate) than just attempting a general "we need to talk about the relationship" conversation. My Man and I talk when something specific needs to be addressed. And, if the sex is stale, I'd start with that, with NO accusations and no nagging. The facts and just the facts, no drama. (Men really love facts, and hate hate hate hate hate drama. That doesn't mean you can't express it if your heart is breaking, but don''t make the whole conversation about "feelings" there has to be something more substantial or he will just tune you out. I know this from years and years of talking to men.)

Just my opinion. I've been in the trenches for years, and have seen more relationships come and go and some stay and the ones which work are the ones which communicate. Not only about sex. Although that is an important part.
I can be tolerant of almost anything....except Intolerance........and Dairy Products
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