Badboy_69
THE 17 WAYS WOMEN FAIL IN BED 

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like, "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak in whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love It. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably fucking her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your snatch look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be fucking.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if a)sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain..

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dansbrat
I have to disagree with statement #7 my guy loves to cuddle after we have sex.
in fact it is usually him that will pull me close and we usually fall asleep that way.
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samantha[w]
I am trying very hard to not to call you names. You sound like the type of guy who thinks girls were put on earth to give herself up to the guys every need. I was agreeing with number one until you made the comment “where your face should be.” I also disagree with 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 13, 14, and 15. If you had not but all the unnecessary comments in each one and sounded like a jerk this would have been completely different. However, you did and it was just completely stupid and rude. I do not even know why you would post something like this. If I offend anyone with what I have just posted I am sorry. These are just my own opinion. I just did not want his little post to go unnoticed the way it had. I really believe his whole post was unnecessary and rude. Again, it is just my opinion.

[4] If the guy says something stupid while he is screwing the girl, she is not going to help but laugh. Unless she is really into it and just does not hear him. Laughing does not always ruin the sex. Laughing can be fun. Sex is not all about pleasure. So laughing during sex can be fun and not insulting.

[5] There is no way in hell I would ever keep my eyes open for my boyfriend to shoot his cum on my face. That is just gross and somewhat creepy if someone can keep his or her eyes open long enough for the guy to ejaculate in her face. I would not sacrifice my sight to serve his pleasure. It is just not worth it.

[7] I am guessing that you are coming from a single guy/one-night stand view. I do not believe in having one-night stands. I have a relationship view only (no cheating). Therefore, to me it is odd to leave right after sex. I cannot leave without talking about what just happened or cuddling or just talking in general. Talking is another way to be intimate.

[8] Not offering the Hershey Highway (this is a gross nickname for ass) does not mean a girl is shy. It just simply means that taking it in the ass is uncomfortable and not to mention gross. Even though it is just a finger, it can still be uncomfortable for some girls/guys.

[9] “Use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage.”  When a girl just had sex, she does not feel like cleaning the man’s junk up. One, she is just a sex partner/girlfriend/wife. Two, she is not his maid. He is a big boy; he can just wipe it up himself. Better yet, wash the damn sheets.

[13] Again, I am sure you are coming from the single guy/one-night stand perspective. To me cheating is a big deal. It is not something to be taken lightly. And if my boyfriend were to tell me that he wanted a three-some and wanted me to respect him for it you can expect me to chop off his balls that night. It is stupid that you put “If he's a real man he's probably fucking her anyway.” If you think screwing your girlfriend’s friend or screwing more than one person is what makes you a man, then you are just a little boy wishing he were a man. “Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.” Screwing multiple people is not the only way to learn how to keep your man or woman satisfied. If you have to go to your friend to find out how to please your man or woman then there is obviously no communication whatsoever.

[14] I started shaving way before I even started having sex. I did not shave to please anybody but myself. Sure, shaving (or not shaving) is one way to please your partner but it should not be just because your partner wants that. If you do not feel comfortable having a shit load of hair on the vagina well, shave it. When girls shave, they are not set out to look like a ten year old. Not girl or guy thinks that having hair or even a little strip of hair is sexy or comfortable. “Playboy models that your man would rather be fucking.” Was this little comment even necessary? What makes you think that all men want to screw a Playboy model?

[15] It seems to me that you obviously have not swallowed semen. What troubles can a guy possibly go through just to cum? So he thrusts around and that’s it. I am sure it is hard work but it is not that big of a deal. That is not a reason to swallow some nasty cum if you are not used to it. I have tried to swallow my boyfriend’s cum a couple of times. I would even love to be able to just to have a way to show him that I appreciate him during sex but it’s not something that needs to be done. It is not a “woman’s job” to swallow cum.
samantha [w] ♥
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I think his post was meant to be funny in a very offensively sarcastic kind of way. It's obviously just a joke but Samantha does bring up some good points. "Wipe it up yourself!" Amen to that, Sister.
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Now I don’t mind giving head, in fact I like it, just give me a vibe to tease my clit or get your fingers back there with a tickler or even paddle my ass and I’ll suck your cock til Sunday but, you GOTTA reciprocate! And for the sake of all things holy don’t just go at my box like it was a free cheese steak! Take your time, get to know her, talk to her nice for a while, tease her a bit until she’s nice and perky and THEN dive in. But for god’s sake do it!!!! 
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reverandsgirl
wow... just, wow, man... that makes me lose even more respect for men... I really hope that all was a joke. I like snuggling after sex, and from what a I KNOW, most men have a big ego boost when you lay against them after sex and compliment them. PS, half of your lecture was about swallowing and oral sex. Get more creative, man.
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K for Chaos
other than the bullshit about girl's bein practically dogs to guys in beds, I have to say something about how your man wants to fuck a playboy model. I don't know what man you've been with, my man likes real girls who aren't made of silicon
I glow in the dark, it's a sexy redhead thing.
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the_end
saw this on my friends page thought it was funny

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the_end wrote:

saw this on my friends page thought it was funny




Ha Ha! And here's one for the guys...


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jackcollins
dansbrat wrote:

I have to disagree with statement #7 my guy loves to cuddle after we have sex.
in fact it is usually him that will pull me close and we usually fall asleep that way.

I agree with you being a man i know guys wanna cuddle after the thing is done. I always use lo lick and kiss my wife after the big game is over.
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the_end
im a chick and i HATE cuddling after sex, im all sweaty and gross and tired i just wanna take a shower and go to bed though its really fun when my man joins me in the shower...

ps anna that one is hilarious
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likeithard
:-X Now this guy have issues!!!! you sound so sarcastic. you are always thinkin about yourself you sound so bad telling us all this crab,dude tell your lady to cooperate when ever you guys are doing your thing cause it sounds that u do all the work , anyways PEACE!!!
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dreamer60
Awe Man....I'm really lucky my hubby doesn't feel that way.
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