Tabu Toypro
repost from Denver's Sex and Romance Examiners, Jordan & Samantha

Last weekend, we had the pleasure of attending a couple's party at a friend's house. The allure of new A.T.V.s in the garage had the party quickly segregated by gender. The women-folk remained gathered around the kitchen island, drinking wine, and the conversation naturally turned to sex.

    “Kyle’s sex drive just doesn’t seem to be…what it used to be.”

Yes, gentlemen, women really do talk about these types of things. This one-line-opener had everyone following suit.

    “It’s not fair! I’m hitting my sexual peak and he started down the back slope at 23!”

    “They say God, or whoever, has quite a sense of humor. Well, I’m not laughing.”

    “Now I’m the one ogling construction workers, instead of the other way around!”

    “My husband is such a great partner, but I really need to be screwed.”

    “Now that we’re finally married, I can’t keep my mind off of other men.”

Many of the women at the party were in consensus: biologically, we simply felt mismatched with our partners.

Common wisdom holds that men reach their sexual peak somewhere between 18 and 22 years of age. As women in our thirties and early forties, we’d always been told we’d hit our sexual peaks anywhere from 35 to 45, and most of us were feeling it. But there was something more complicated at work. Many of us were newlyweds, and our new status of being married had awakened the intense desire to mate with strange men, which didn’t make any sense to any of us.

Oh sure, it’s commonly thought that men just aren’t cut out for monogamy, being hardwired to sow their oats with as many women as possible; while women, biologically speaking, are thought to be hardwired to seek out a single, strong provider. But here we were, a group of dedicated, loving female partners, wondering aloud if we were even capable of monogamy, let alone biologically designed for it.

After the party, we went home wondering about the biology behind “sexual peaks.” Was it an old wives' tale, or true wisdom? And was it possible that women were not, after all, hardwired to stay with one man, one provider?

Researching on the Internet can be risky business – but that’s where our queries led us. Sifting through the quagmire of information, a few nibbles of truth seemed to emerge.

First, there was a medical consensus that men’s erections are harder and straighter at the supple ages of 18 to 22 than at any other time in their lives. Second (and as many women can attest to), younger men can get hard more quickly after ejaculation. However, beyond that, there wasn’t a lot of biological or genetic data to speak to the sexual peaks of either men or women.

Many medical experts explained that women may seem to reach their sexual peak between 35 and 45 for a variety of different reasons: their children are getting older and they’re getting more sleep (a necessary ingredient for feeling horny); as women mature they have more sexual experience, both with partners and with themselves, and are therefore more capable of guiding their lover in meeting their sexual needs; even as their bodies age, most women get more comfortable with themselves, allowing them to be more free and experimental in the bedroom.

And back to men. While their erections may not be as straight or hard, we couldn’t find any sources that actually stated that men’s sexual stamina biologically changes. There were, however, other factors that were discussed, including increased stress at work, weight gain, and again, having young children.

So it appears that the sexual peak is not so much genetic and biological, minus the straight and hard factor, as it is social and psychological.

But what about monogamy? Stay tuned for what we learned next week…

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Hank Alvarez
That's been documented before and it brings about some really interesting dynamics. A forty-three year old friend of mine recently started shacking up with a twenty five year old fireman who all the ladies at the gym agreed was a hunk. They started calling her a cougar but I think she was just smart enough to go after someone who could keep up with her. She looks ten years younger than her real age and she's in great physical shape. She has a body any teenager would envy and as long as it lasted she said it was wonderful. The problem was it didn't last. He started screwing the new teeny bopper dispatcher at the firehouse and that ended it for my friend. She was devastated and I felt sorry for her and encouraged her to keep looking.

We all start out with the same handicaps, (peaking ten years apart), but we also age at different rates. I was married to a woman who was mentally sixty at thirty and that got me looking around. Now I'm married to a woman sixteen years younger than me and believe me she keeps my candle lit. This situation is so complex you could probably do a dissertation study on it and still not have all the answers. But I think if we communicate our needs to our partners and work together in a committed relationship we have a good chance of success. Hank 
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I find this interesting as for the first time in my life I am with a woman that is younger than I am. Not by much...only 6 years. But I dont think she has found her sexual peak yet at age 48. My peak came a long time ago. BUT being with her, I am now reclimbing the mountain trying to get back to that peak. While I may not make it, the climb sure is fun!
Lovin My Wife...Lovin Life

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Hank Alvarez
I think a lot of the problems we've seen lately in this part of the forum dealing with sex and aging were adequately covered in those two movies I watched and reviewed: "Great Sex Over Fifty," for both genders. I'd have to put in another plug for you watch them and take notes because a lot of our frustrations were more than adequately  dealt with. Hank 
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Hank Alvarez
One of God's little jokes is that men peak at 16 to 24 and women from 32 to 36. Hank
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