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by Cory Silverberg for

It has nothing to do with getting to watch the end of The Daily Show, and it’s not because it lowers the bar for the next time. But there are a couple very good reasons to love premature ejaculation.

I wouldn’t say I love premature ejaculators, there’s too many and I’m not sure I have that much love to share. But after giving it serious thought I can say with conviction that I love the fact of premature ejaculation. Here are my top two reasons.

Premature ejaculation, like most anything that happens in our body, happens for a reason. We don’t know what that reason is, in fact we have no idea what causes premature ejaculation, but when it happens (and it happens to everyone with a penis that ejaculates) it’s an opportunity to do something most of us never do; question why we have sex in the first place.

After all, the idea of premature ejaculation presupposes that there is a clear end goal, and that you’re getting there too soon. It also presupposes that extending sex is an obvious goal of sex. If you’re ejaculating before you want to, or before your partner wants to, the first thing you ought to do is ask yourself, what is it that I want to extend? Is the sex I’m having good enough to want to make it last longer? Am I coming quickly because really, there’s not much to wait around for? And do I want the goal I set for sex to be one that requires a stopwatch to evaluate?

What if all you wanted from a sexual encounter was to feel good? If ejaculating prematurely feels bad then you’ve got a good reason to learn to control ejaculation. If it doesn’t, then maybe what’s required is a conversation with your sexual partner about what they want, and how you can make sure you both get what you want, how you want it.

The second reason I love premature ejaculation is that it provides an interesting counter narrative to the traditional story we tell ourselves about male sexuality. Male sexuality is simple, we say. Guys are either on or off, and really, nudge-nudge-wink-wink, they’re always on. The penis is a obvious, visible organ, no where near as mysterious or complicated as the vulva, clitoris, vagina, or anus.

But if any of this were true, how come we can’t figure out definitively why men premature ejaculate?

I’m being a little tongue in cheek here. I don’t love the anxiety that premature ejaculation creates, and I don’t love the ways that we make ourselves feel inferior and inadequate when premature ejaculation strikes, but I know that I’m a much smarter person and suspect that I may even be more fun in bed for having experienced it. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Definitions, Causes and Treatment of Premature Ejaculation
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